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haha wow...talk about unnecessary drama. i hate when people always think other people are talking about them. don't flatter yourself. if i said anything it was "maybe i should go say hi, she knows who i am"....i can't believe this is happening againnnn anyway moving on, eric's grad party was last night. nothing is funnier than parents playing beer pong..love itttt. i went with sara around 8 maybe? then gina came and rocio and jackie later. it was cute. speaking of which, i think cyrus came at some point but eric wouldn't let us go talk to him :-/ so uh it was an interesting night. got a call at 6 this morning cuz my mom was freaking out that i didn't come home last night even though i told her i wasn't sleeping at home..wahtever..i'm really tired, and sore from sleeping on the stairs for a few hours with rocio. it was random, it was fun..good times, minimal drama = sweet night. i actually don't feel like writing anymore but just felt like i needed to get that first part out there.
i always catch the clock,
its 11:11 now you wanna talk
its not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine
(^not about anyone, just remembered how much i like it^)
so i was sitting here thinking what i could do because i slept too late today and i can't fall asleep yet...how about go back to the journal..remember how i said i only write when i'm not doing so great cuz if i'm having fun there's no time to write....sounds about right for now...i read the last entry i wrote like 3 weeks ago...pretty much feel like that....
i hate when people have to be in control all the time. i hate when i get blamed for things that aren't even close to being my fault. i hate high school. i hate high school drama.
i'm taking a break here cuz cute without the e just came on....good right about now
well just so long as this thing's loaded....
okay so this freaking isn't high school anymore. we are supposed to be mature about things now. who cares about stupid shit that happened 2 years ago..that's no reason to say a group of people can't go to the beach together and have fun when most of them only have a week of summer left....and what's even worse is i still have to go around pleasing everyone while being put in a situation where that is almost impossible...if i go with marissa allie jackie and caitlin, i'll be ditching sara because she can't come with us all the sudden..but if i go with sara and gina i'll be ditching the original group which i would hate because besides jackie i barely ever see them...however, i hate not being included in plans. last i knew we were going to misquamicut for the day...now all the sudden after i had to change my plans with my dad to a different day (because it's okay to go when i have work later but not when other people have work later) it's rocky neck (which might i remind you i've been to like 3 times already this year) for a little bit, then clinton then a seafood place for dinner (which i can't even eat anything at...) but wahtever, i'm just gonna deal with it
as much as i complain about having to go to fairfield, i freakin can't wait any longer. though i may be going to school with a bunch of rich people, i'm sure they will actually be mature people who can deal with problems rather than just bitching about them. i hate when i confront people about problems and i get shut down. i need to work things out. life is freakin short people..we can't afford to waste time now with stupid shit like this. i know i say life is hard so that heaven can seem that much better, but damn it doesn't have to be like this does it?
anywayyyy, i basically love rocio, rachel, sara, gina, jackie, alyssa and the other real ones..
the rest in the next entry is private...i need to get some more stuff out before tomorrow Wed, Jul. 19th, 2006, 11:15 pm
sdfasdfasldkfjaslkdfjsakdljflaksjdf
fuckkkkkkkk Sat, Jul. 8th, 2006, 07:58 pm
what would you do if there was an axe murderer?
ice cream with adam
jason purdy magic lessons
more random trips to keene
waiting (the goat, brain, batwing..angry vagina..etc)
playing the game the whole week
TABOO!
the electric fence
the ceiling fan in 2nd level trail's end
karaoke (sweet caroline, in da club, etc)
midnight pond walk
lighting off $700 + fireworks (+ some confiscated ones that mike brought!) on the 4th
go kart racing at the golf course
baseball home run derby
not being able to rent movies
fireworks in keene on the 3rd
getting kicked outta the adults room every day by marsha (yet farmer dave says it's okay...)
owning the adults at volleyball even though they def. don't know the rules (2-1)
re-enacting the flower jump
getting egged
scootering/running down the hill
interrogating garreth about my camera
more meat throwing fights
ooblek
how fat i am
how slutty i am (didn't he paint your face?)
sketchy person
matt alex and i stopping for slurpees while the car with the directions keeps going
mickey d's at like 11 cuz it's not like there's too much food at the farm or anything
stealing the tray
driving jill home on the way aka 20 minutes out of the way
matt opening up after wednesday again
"what's a hoedown" "it's when you take jenn, throw her on the ground and kick her"
DOUCHE..and the new douche-knot
parler-ing en francais!
intense pool games
me falling all the freakin time
back rubs and massages
not being able to lie
wrecking the pool room ceiling again
larry the guy in the picture
the 13th commandment (god doesn't like cell phones..)
more to come
adslkfjsalkfdjds
that is the only thing i can say about the past however much time since i last wrote in this. i reallly don't feel like updating, so here's the short version. i hung out with cool people a lot. i graduated. went to stefan's going away party. more hanging out with cool people. grad parties. work. etc.
o yea did i mention "this isn't high school" cuz we're doneeeeeeeee
also, toddly got to see brand new the other night and i'm even more excited for july 26 now!
also, orientation in 2 days.. a lil nervous for all the rich people but o well, i like a challenge
and ehf in 6 days!!!! (love to you alllllll, you guys are the best everrrrrr...crunk goats and strip poker parties? in the words of justin "chyeah")
and it appears that a coastline ending has dropped off the face of the earth, aka deleted their myspace. how am i supposed to stalk them now? gosh, what were they thinking...
that's it.
<3
so there's these people i've been hanging out with a lot and i love them all in different ways. however, as always when something good is happening, there is bad to go along with it. basically my nosiness caused far too much trouble tonight. i am beyond sorry but that doesn't even help.i can't not let things get to me, and right now, more than anything i just want to go back a few hours, make time go slower, and make it so i didn't say one thing. but i can't regret what happened right? i think in a way i'm just kind of resentful of the circumstances right now...nobody cares this much when i get upset but whatever.
i even tried some old school bullpen blast but i even lost that in the 4th inning.
so basically i'm pretty sure i'm not going out tomorrow cuz i feel like crap. at least i'm back to normal now. being happy isn't all it's cracked up to be.
ps, i'm pretty sure i've used this title before too..
so I FUCKING LOVE A COASTLINE ENDINGGG
kinda disappointed in the turnout tonight, but it was cool anyway..even when matt's voice cracked and his guitar strap broke...i think i only saw like 3 people i know instead of the usual crowd but loved ittt...and yea i did sit alone until cyrus and band got there an hour later...i'm cool enough to admit that..and i finally got their amazing cd..already on my ipod duhhh.
o yea and guess waht guys, sometimes i'm funny
wishxxfulthinker: oh i have a very important question
eastc0astdreamer: go
wishxxfulthinker: do boys who wear girl pants in the winter wear girl shorts in the summer?
eastc0astdreamer: no i think they wear girls pants still
eastc0astdreamer: but i like how that's important
wishxxfulthinker: oh very much so
wishxxfulthinker: but what if they get hot?
eastc0astdreamer: i don't know, i think they cry about it
wishxxfulthinker: hahahahaaaaa
that's it. byeeeeeeee
i hate being confused.
i also hate crying. i thought with all the shit i went through this year, stupid stuff wouldn't bother me anymore, but it still does. on top of the real stuff that's going on. FUCK.
i am sick of being there for people when i never have a shoulder to lean back on. i always say this, but i really can't bring myself to not be like this...i have to be there for others, it's who i am. i just wish other people would return the favor sometimes.
hey ROCKVILLE <3 you loZer
that's it.
ps, i'm pretty sure i've used that title before, but what can i say, it's a good depressing song..
pps, ace concert @ rhs tomorrow anyone? you know you wanna...
so basically i have no time to update cuz i'm thesising like the rest of the world, but i would like so more help. but before i ask for my help, i would like to congratulate colby for writing about 1/4 of the essay that got me into the fairfield honors program. your ideas were very helpful. now for round 2 of do jenn's work for her....i don't want to just ramble on and on for 25 pages in my thesis, so i need a creative idea to take up room. if you don't have anything out of the ordinary, help me think of how i can show my topic through a short story cuz i might just do that..
my topic is:
is destruction needed for survival? and more specifically, is war ever necessary....stuff along that lines. so yea have fun....go
i don't like people who feel the need to tell you you're wrong after you already admitted you were wrong
i don't like when people take others for granted
i don't like not being included
i don't like when people bitch at you for things that aren't your fault
i don't like hypocrites
i don't like when people say they like you but they can't even talk to you
i don't like talking through other people like we're in fucking middle school
i don't like when i try to explain how i'm feeling and people get mad
i don't like liarssssss
recently i was starting to get really sad again, but not cuz i couldn't wait to leave, but cuz i am finally making friends i really and truly care about and don't want to leave them. now i don't even know what i want. everyone at fairfield is already pissing me off with their out of control drinking, pre-orientation parties so there will already be clicks when we get to orientation, and the incredible non-diverse atmosphere. so i don't really know what i want.
i forget where i left off and don't feel like looking but on the upside 6 flags friday was fun. so was volleyball and ddr. today mr swhs was fun. ddr again was fun (i'm addicted). i'm kind of mad about some stuff, but if you were there you probably already know. and it's not what you think if you don't know so yea.
so, sorry for being in a bad mood tonight, but the combination of little things that were bothering me were too much for me tonight.
this is my new outlook on life...it was part of the homily at church today, so i don't feel like a bad person for saying it, "you have to love everybody unconditionally, and accept them for who they are, but that doesn't mean you can't tell them to forget your phone number and to not walk in front of your moving car"
so now that i'm back at burke ridge (for now) i started listening to country again. country lyrics are so meaningful and sweet (usually). i hear lyrics and i'm like aww that's so true about...o wait, no one, i just wish it was. like this...
"You think you're one of millions but you're one in a million to me
When you wonder if you matter, baby look into my eyes
And tell me, can't you see you're everything to me"
i wish i could say that to someone and mean it..but anyway..the point of this post..we're brainstorming ideas for an essay jenn has to write. yea so what i referred to myself in the 3rd person...so here's the topic:
"What is it about learning that satisfies us as persons? Is learning more satisfying when one studies broadly, by attending to a diversity of subjects, or when one studies more specifically, by learning more about a particular topic?"
okay, now GO! Sun, May. 14th, 2006, 01:15 pm
wednesday mentor tutor got canceled for some reason, so i came home after school and chilled around..went to my dad's to pick up some mail, then headed to the volleyball game. allie was gonna go but then she took a nap, rachel was gonna go but then rocio didn't wanna go early, so i went by myself. o well it was fun. i sat with laura who i haven't talked to in ageeees. and joe wehr was there too. somehow he is not as hot as i remember but i think everyone just used to think he was hot. o well. anyway volleyball lost but they played really well. i'm sad i never went to volleyball games before this year cuz it's kinda exciting. then it was nhs induction, which of course blew as usual.
thursday meant back to brf...eww...first i stayed after for the french project a bit then i worked til 7ish. luckily the weather has sucked majorly for a while now (and according to weather.com which is rarely right anyway, it's not supposed to stop til next monday) so we close early/on time when the weather sucks.
friday i was gonna go to the gym but i didn't cuz i was so busy calling everyone about mudsliding (ps i'm mad at everyone who didn't go in the mud..aka everyone...o well) so basically i went to my dad's, jackie came over @ 8ish then colby and jess came, we went for a walk (slash a scooter ride) part way down smith street to find some mud. then rachel and called so i sprinted 1/4 mile back to my house. i'm way out of shape. so then rachel, katy, duy, brendan & mike were there. then nicole & allie came. then we headed down the street again just to find that the rain was letting up. so i jump in the mud. no one follows. fuck you. i had fun. then we walked back towards duck's cuz people were there. vanessa came and people were being stupid on the back of her car. it was extremely funny, i bet fun for them, but at the same time i was scared for their lives. later we took a lot of pictures and then adventured to the vernon mickey d's with the addition of marissa and andy. a lot of fun was had that night even though it doesn't seem like it from this entry. i just don't feel like typing all of it.
saturday i slept really late cuz i stayed up late on friday. again i didn't make it to the gym. i ran out to get a shirt for decorating and some flowers for mother's day around 12 then raced home to eat lunch and get to work for 2-close with the sista. they left us alone even though it's the beginning of the year and it was only kim's second time. o well. we peaced out around 730. then i went home real quick then went to cait mal's to make our "i love physics" shirts with marissa. they are hot. you'd be jealous. we stayed til about 11 then i went home thinking i'd have no time today to do stuff so i stayed up late cleaning and reading/homeworking. and snl of course!
now it's sunday got up for church for mother's day, and brought the flowers upstairs that i hid in my bathroom yesterday. now my bathroom smells pretty! anyway, went to church..today it was offered for ryan so his whole family was there. i don't even know most of them but i love them so much because they are such caring people from everyhing i have seen...anyway, then we went to breakfast @ friendly's and came home. i was gonna finish packing and maybe rest a bit before work when heather calls to tell me not to come in! this has never happened before. ever. they never close, but i was already the only one who would work on mother's day plus the rain sucks. sweetnesssss. so now i'm here.
btw and who is going to volleyball and baseball with me tomorrow? Tue, May. 9th, 2006, 09:33 pm
so rumor has it (aka cyrus talked to brand new's booking agent) that men women & children are one of the opening bands for the brand new tour this summer! now is the perfect time to insert some sweet lyrics
you don't need a reason
to get out on the dance floor
we can get it on and on
all nightt!!
sweet dancing music. then some sweet brand new-ness. it's gonna be one banging night. you should be jealous you're not going. but then you should feel a little better because my birthday is 3 days after the concert and we will be having another banging night then.
now back to the boringness of the now. duy is quite right in saying i somehow managed to leave the fun jackie, marissa and i had after school on friday with his car. this is how it went down. jackie calls me. note, these are not direct quotes.
me: "what are you doing?"
jackie: "i'm on my way home."
me: "i don't haveto work til 3, wanna do something?"
jackie: "sure i'll turn around"
we talk some more, she comes to the school. marissa and andy walk out. we all talk. johnny and nicole talk with us too. blah blah blah. some times passes.
jackie: "let's do something to duy's car"
me: "omg i have pink car paint in my car!"
jackie: "go get it!"
then we get it, we write all over the car and it's fun. i took pictures..see my webshots for the evidence. fun freaking times.
then saturday i didn't do much until 4:30ish when it was time to go to the WEBSTERRRR. that is seriously my 3rd home. actually i shuld prolly bump rockville down to my 3rd home and the webster up to 2nd cuz i'm really not in rockville that much anymore. after some arguments about who was gonna drive because some people are extremely stubborn *cough* duy *cough* we were on our way to the webster. (we=me, rachel, katy, duy, jeff, joe) i know the way u stay on 84 the whole time, joe knows the way you take the 91 connector. after some debate, we decide to go joe's way. he decides to drive like a 95 year old woman so i call him adn tell him to speed up. then we lose him. he takes the wrong exit but we take the right exit for his way, but turns out he doesn't actually know his way. so we had to back track a bit but luckily we knew enough street names to get us there anyway. then cyrus and band aka darby dreamview played around 6. then some other band...evening edition? idk but they were good too. then we chilled for freakin forever until down to earth approach adn moneen. i didn't know them that well so i hung out outside a lot. then circa survive (at which point everyone left me :-( except marissa and andy :-D) and SAVES THE DAYY!!!!!! <3 themmmmmmm. it was amazing. didn't leave til 11:15. seing how i got there at 5:30 i do have to say that was the best almost 6 hours of my life in a long time. comparable only to other webster concerts. idk i just love it there. then we got some wendy's and met up with everyone else at taco bell so i could get my stuff about of duy's car. then we went home cuz itw as midnight. i watched some snl and ate my frsoty it was sweet.
i'll skip sunday. so monday = school aka nothing. then dropped kim at work, visited a friend that lives near there, applied to the village so i can work with my loves allie and nicole hopefully, then gym-ed it up. i hadn't been there in a while. oops. then night baseball game with rachel and allie and then later marissa and andy. it was a good game. we left at 8:40 though in order to give me enough time to get both allie and rachel home and still get home in time for 24. we were gonna get ice cream but we all decided we loved jack bauer more than ice cream.
so right now it's tuesday and it rained so no sw-rock game again. and the yankees are losing pretty horribly to the sox. (11-3 in the top of 8 right now). fuck. maybe i'll go look up the watts / horsepower of something. you know with the giant / in the middle? no? okay.
right now i'm just chilling, listening to music so i thought i'd update. i'm actually not hating life at the moment. it might have to do with the minimal amount of contact i had with my mom today. that's sad that that makes me happy. o well. mmm question, any ideas for mother's day cuz i don't want to be completely bitchy, but i reallllly don't like her, so i need something simple. or nothing maybe. who knows.
so one of the brand new demos just decided to play, and let me just tell you...i freakkin love them! july 26th!!!!! speaking of july, keep july 22 and 29 open. my part y is one of those days. if you're reading this, you're coming. it's prolly gonna be at the condos..swimming, bball, food, and good times for all. and hopefully some a coastline ending and darby dream view. love love loveeeee those boys!
i miss the manchester boys. not gonna lie. hanging out with them were some of the most fun times i've ever had.
so let's update about my life? as you all know, it is off to fairfield university next year. maybe i'll apply to the school of business just so i can say i go to F.U. S.O.B.....yeaaaaaaa i'm cool. so tuesday was AP stats exam. it blew. o well, who needs to pass a test you paid $82 for? then i took kim to brf for her "interview" and i got some hours. i hate that place so much. what makes me angry is i seriously JUST started there and perfect strike finally called for an interview..i might go there anyway in case the village doesn't work out but i don't want 2 seasonal jobs, cuz i want something to come back to during breaks adn stuff...plus perfect strike is so much freaking closer than brf. fuck thisss. it figures with the way things go for me. wednesday begun the doing nothing in school. seriously, nothing the past 4 school days. mentor tutor was fun. i talked in spanish with carla (sp?). she wouldn't stop talking (which is good cuz she never talks). she had a boyfriend of 2 years? and she's 8? yea, i'm jealous. then i went to to the volleyball game and got a slurpee with k.leich after. thursday i don't think i did anything. friday i started working at brf again. i fucking hate it. love the people, hate the work and the far-ness of it from my house. picked up pizza on the way home for me and my dad. then went to the cottage with allie, nicole and katelyn. it was def. an adventure getting there but i was psyched to finally go there! we just sorta chilled but it was fun. allie and kately fell asleep on the way home so me and nicole got to talk a bit. we decided we're going to a concert together but we dunno when. it will happen though.
time to go to the baseball game. ill finish the weekend another time. for now i leave you with this.
"People need to stop fucking calling me in class! Eeesh!" Duy's text to me, copying what i said during physics today.
that reminds me, i said fuck a lot today. idk where it came from, i've been not swearing lately. sorry for all the fuck you's i threw out today. seriously it wasn't you guys that were bothering me. i wonder what it was. o well. peace.
okay everyone, so it's
FU
either you know what i'm talking about, or you just assume that i'm pissed off as usual. it's actually a combination of the both since that is my LAST choice but what-evvv.
peace.
i get kind of personal in this one, so don't read it if you're not in the mood for a ton of bitching. i might end up making it private if people bitch like usual but eveyrthing has been private lately and i semi need to get this out to someone besides myself.
i doubt anyone could ever find another person who is more full of crap than my mother. she is not only the most insensitive person i know, but she tries to use our religion to support her side. now, most people might trust their parents when it comes to their religion, but i consider myself a fairly religious person. i know for a fact that some of the things she does are not right. let's even put religion aside right now. how do you get off telling someone who has 4 days to decide what college to go that you really want her to go to a jesuit school (or any other factor) because it means a lot to you when a)the college process has been going on for at least 2 years and this has never been mentioned b)i'm already beyond stressed and that would just add one more factor i need to consider c)when jesuits have said the education is no different b/c religion is not forced upon you, they are just there if you need it d)not like i am ever going to stop going to church anyway and e)when you have absolutly no morals of your own.
the only reason i don't pray she goes to hell is because i would never wish that on another human being. she tells me i don't listen to people when anyone who has known me for a second knows that sometimes all i do is listen to other people and their problems, in the process neglecting my own. i have known my guidance counselor fairly well for 4 years. i've heard about convos he's had with other students about how they had great personalities and always been kind of jealous of highly he thought of them. the other day i went into his office and broke down because i CAN NOT deal with the shit i get every fucking day of my life from my mother. he told me that i am one of the nicest people he has ever met. i don't want to sound conceited, but that probably meant more to me than anything anyone has said to me that i can remember. at least one person recognizes that i put others before myself. in fact, countless times he has told me to just relax, enjoy life, and forget about trying to do everything. but i CAN'T. i can't be mean to people, i can't not listen, i can't forget about school and good grades, i can't stop doing all the things that are slowly eating away at me. in fact the entire i've been writing this i've been bawling my eyes out but i can't stop crying or writing cuz it just hurts too much.
some people get physically abused. some people live in poverty. i live in emotional hell. sometimes, i think i would rather go live in a village in africa because life would be simpler. i don't want to diminish the hard lives that a lot of people have, but what i have to go through can not be normal.
and if you are even thinking about saying something bitchy, just don't say it. you don't have to read this if you don't want to. i already warned you at the beginning. it's not like i'm going around proclaiming this to the world. it's my journal, it's my place to get it all out. you read it if you want. that's it.
ps, i want to give a shout out to allie for just making me laugh. love you.
so i just saw george w on the news, i got really angry cuz of all the shit with the terrorists and henderson...then i realized logan and bush weren't ACTUALLY the same person...i love how that is the only exciting thing in my life.
also i found my rock star shirt which is why i wore it to school today. <3
also saturday night was fun even though i was pretty sure i wasn't going to make it home. i seriously almost pulled over in the commuter lot before i got on 291. i'm not joking my head was like freakkkin out. i hate being stressed / it making me sick. just let me go to collegeeeee. i bet if i had applied to BC i would be happier cuz i reallllly wanna go to boston now that WM is not an option. fuck you college. i know i'm going to end up at fairfield, and it won't suck but it won't be the best either. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK
also my mom has money to buy a new lap top and other random things for herself just because they're on sale (i mean it's not like everything adds up or anything) but i have to pay my own way to east hill farm and we can't afford college!!!!!! woot woot, life rocks yo.
also, usually when we (me, sara, brittany, jen) walk back from lunch there's not that many people in the halls cuz we go the long way. today there were a whole shitload of bitches being loud, obnoxious and pushy. i happened to be feeling a little bit racist and said, "i wonder if the hartford bus just got in" let me tell you, it was funny. i had to tell everyone even though it's racist because i'm not funny that often.
also, that's it. i'm a bit tired. i prolly won't sleep though cuz that's how i roll bitchesss.
ehf crew: "You wanna go feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?" it's from billy madison, but don't tell me that doesn't sound a little bit like a situation we had with a goat last summer. LOVE YOUUUUUUU
fuck you and good night.
my fave lines of the week
i think i'm gonna do this more often, assuming that people (including myself) will continue to say incredibly stupid/silly things.
"yea, but asians are sick with like, being able to stand"
while talking about how changing from a vegetarien to a vegan would be hard cuz you would have to give up cheese,
"yea you couldn't eat cheeseburgers"
"why should i go to BU"
"well for one, it's great becasue it's in a big city"
no guys, i thought boston was small.
that's it for now.
thursday i actually went to the mall with kim and kristina. then we took the really long way home even though it wasn't that long. then we watched OC. then i went to bed.
yesterday i got up really early to go to BU. we left at 630 and actually got there by 830. we were planning on there being a lot of traffic going into boston since we were driving all the way in and then we would have missed the opening presentation which is almost always useless. however, if we had missed the opening, we would have also missed meeting the wierdest french teacher i've ever met, and i mean think about it, have you ever had a normal french teacher? so there was that. then i went and sat in on a class...there was actually spots in a french class (diff prof. though) so that was fun. it was actually kind of like class now except that people actually talked completely in french. shocker. during that time kim and my dad took a walk down to the end of campus and got starbucks without me :-o whateverrrr...then there was a slightly helpful student panel, and i say slightly because normally those panels are interactive, but they all introuduced themselves and then suddenly we were out of time, so no question time? i mean god forbid we're late to lunch...the it was lunch which was sit down and all the servers were all dressed up and shizz...wierd. we had to request a special meal for me since everyone just got chicken. i got a giant mushroom. it was gross. then we went on a residence hall tour. it took like 15 minutes to get there. that might bother me. but then again we were walking pretty slow. then we walked back to the parking garage to find out what time they closed then hopped on the green line to gov't center. i like how i can get my away around downtown now (mostly thanks to teresa). we went shopping around quincy market/fanueil hall...my sister got a shirt i wanted but was too cheap to get from urban outfitters, "l'amour est tout que vous avez besoin". i plan on stealing that soon. then we walked to joe tecce's! love love loveeee that place. good food. it was early when we finished so we walked aroudn quincy market a bit but i was too full for dessert anyway. then we took the T back to BU and hopped in the car for the ride home. i wasn't gonna be a loser and play the license plate game again, but there were 2 I's right when we got on the highway and there are never any I's and i thought i could get there really fast...i didn't finish the game the entire way home. o well. it's not like i shoulda been reading my book for my thesis anyway. then at home i did nothing.
today i woke up and did nothing for the past couple hours. i hate looking back and realizing how i've done nothing, but i guess the nothing-ness was a nice break from the stress of everything at once, though i'm def. still stressed cuz those stupid pains are back. i seriously feel like i'm dying every time i get them and there is absolutely nothing the doctor's have thought of besides stress >:o later i'm going to visit alyssa though. we dunno what we're doing but she will be the first person i know outside of my sister and dad that i've seen since last weekend.
my updates suck a lot lately. also my life is more boring than usual lately. there could be a correlation between the two.
sunday=easter..church then aunt's house. can i just reitterate that my mother and i do NOT get along, even on easter sunday, and that there are a grand total of 2 people in her whole effing family that don't belong in an institution. i'm prolly going to hell for saying that, but maybe not because it's the truth.
monday=sleeping late for the first time in a long time then my uncle's wake in granby..my cousin lynne is probably one of the goofiest people of her age that i know. she's the one wearing the santa hat in my myspace pix. i actually have some semi-funny stories from the wake, which i guess is good that not everyone was crying but i think i'll share them some other time. i did however learn a bit more about my italian background, such as some pretty sweet hand gestures. we got home in time for 24, then i went to bed.
tuesday=up early for my uncle's funeral in westfield, ma. they're not catholic so the service was considerably different than i am used to, the fact that i am USED TO any kind of funeral service does bother me a bit though. chilled with the cousin's/aunts/uncles etc. there were 4 minister people for the mass and though i think they were all a bit queer, one in particular definitely could have been a child molester. he was very strange and kept talking to me and kim, by far the youngest people there...then me kim and dad went to holyoke cuz i haven't even thought about dresses for reception yet. i wasn't in a dress shopping mood though so kim got some candy and we left. gas is like 30 cents cheaper there though. then guess what i did when i got home? NOTHING.
wednesday=up semi-early for the mets v. braves game! we hit little to no traffic on the way down and were there wicked early. we watched batting practice right on the freakkin field! it was sooo flipping cool. mind you, i am a yankees fan til the end, but i haven't been to a major league game since 5th grade so i was pretty much in awe of everything. the game had very little action, there was a perfect game against the mets until the 6th inning, and they ended up losing 2-1. the game was only 2 hours long, actualyl 1h59 to be exact. then we hit a jillion hours of traffic on the way home. i didn't read anything for my thesis like i was gonna. i started playing the alphabet-license plate game once we got into connecticut (like 2 hours later) and i made it so it had to be part of the 6 (or 7) letter/#'s on the plate..i got stuck on I for about 1/2 hour and didn't even finish by the time we got home. o right, guess what i did when we got home? NOTHING.
thursday=today. went to the gym @ 1030ish. started another thesis book. guess what i'm doing tonight? NOTHING.
tomorrow=BU visit then either Joe Tecce's or somewhere downtown for dinner. i<3boston. @ night=NOTHING. i should prolly call BRF again so those nothings = work = money again.
saturday i think i'm gonna visit alyssa maybe. i don't like too many other people. in other news i have less than 2 weeks to decide where i'm going to college, and i have NO FREAKKIN CLUE!
also as much as those minister people at my aunt's church were messed up, i think they helped me answer an important question. i mean, they didn't say this, in fact idk if they said anything like this, but they were so busy making no sense it gave me some time to think. anyway, here's the question if death is supposed to be a reward because we are with God, how come everyone doesn't just kill themselves? okay well how about this answer. why do we have elementary, middle and high school? why don't we just go to college? or better yet, we why don't we just get a job? because they get us ready for what is to come. just going straight to heaven would be like skipping a level in a game. so yea you're farther ahead but you missed out on all the lessons for doing better along the way. people go when it is there time and they are ready. we might not understand why they are ready right then, but in the long run the years spent on earth without those people are nothing compared to the eternity in heaven with them. plus, without the hardships of life, heaven wouldn't be so great.
okay, so there's my little rant of the day...no matter the case, i still feel like this song best fits me right now...
"Martyr Me" (The Get Up Kids)
Just to get by try to stay high it's a good life end of discussion
Hours like sand Holes in my hand I'm a good soul, Martyr me
Wasting my life it's passing me by it's a good fight throw in the towel
The hours I've spent aren't enough to pay rent I'm just sinking water deep
But if all I have is defeat
Tonight if you're awake at all
Tonight if you're awake
Tonight if you're awake at all
Tonight if you're awake
Case of my crime a lack of my time it's a roadblock need a catharsis
Patience is spent a virtue I sent to the basement far from me
The less that I spend on the mess that I'm in could be used towards something of value
The time on my side isn't anything I've ever needed can't you see?
etc... |
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