she_will_b_lovd

haha wow...talk about unnecessary drama.  i hate when people always think other people are talking about them.  don't flatter yourself.  if i said anything it was "maybe i should go say hi, she knows who i am"....i can't believe this is happening againnnn

anyway moving on, eric's grad party was last night.  nothing is funnier than parents playing beer pong..love itttt.  i went with sara around 8 maybe? then gina came and rocio and jackie later.  it was cute.  speaking of which, i think cyrus came at some point but eric wouldn't let us go talk to him :-/ so uh it was an interesting night.  got a call at 6 this morning cuz my mom was freaking out that i didn't come home last night even though i told her i wasn't sleeping at home..wahtever..i'm really tired, and sore from sleeping on the stairs for a few hours with rocio.  it was random, it was fun..good times, minimal drama = sweet night.  i actually don't feel like writing anymore but just felt like i needed to get that first part out there.

so i was sitting here thinking what i could do because i slept too late today and i can't fall asleep yet...how about go back to the journal..remember how i said i only write when i'm not doing so great cuz if i'm having fun there's no time to write....sounds about right for now...i read the last entry i wrote like 3 weeks ago...pretty much feel like that....
i hate when people have to be in control all the time.  i hate when i get blamed for things that aren't even close to being my fault.  i hate high school.  i hate high school drama.
i'm taking a break here cuz cute without the e just came on....good right about now
well just so long as this thing's loaded....
okay so this freaking isn't high school anymore.  we are supposed to be mature about things now.  who cares about stupid shit that happened 2 years ago..that's no reason to say  a group of people can't go to the beach together and have fun when most of them only have a week of summer left....and what's even worse is i still have to go around pleasing everyone while being put in a situation where that is almost impossible...if i go with marissa allie jackie and caitlin, i'll be ditching sara because she can't come with us all the sudden..but if i go with sara and gina i'll be ditching the original group which i would hate because besides jackie i barely ever see them...however, i hate not being included in plans.  last i knew we were going to misquamicut for the day...now all the sudden after i had to change my plans with my dad to a different day (because it's okay to go when i have work later but not when other people have work later)  it's rocky neck (which might i remind you i've been to like 3 times already this year) for a little bit, then clinton then a seafood place for dinner (which i can't even eat anything at...) but wahtever, i'm just gonna deal with it

as much as i complain about having to go to fairfield, i freakin can't wait any longer.  though i may be going to school with a bunch of rich people, i'm sure they will actually be mature people who can deal with problems rather than just bitching about them.  i hate when i confront people about problems and i get shut down.  i need to work things out.  life is freakin short people..we can't afford to waste time now with stupid shit like this.  i know i say life is hard so that heaven can seem that much better, but damn it doesn't have to be like this does it?

anywayyyy, i basically love rocio, rachel, sara, gina, jackie, alyssa and the other real ones..

the rest in the next entry is private...i need to get some more stuff out before tomorrow

sdfasdfasldkfjaslkdfjsakdljflaksjdf
fuckkkkkkkk

what would you do if there was an axe murderer?
ice cream with adam
jason purdy magic lessons
more random trips to keene
waiting (the goat, brain, batwing..angry vagina..etc)
playing the game the whole week
TABOO!
the electric fence
the ceiling fan in 2nd level trail's end
karaoke (sweet caroline, in da club, etc)
midnight pond walk
lighting off $700 + fireworks (+ some confiscated ones that mike brought!) on the 4th
go kart racing at the golf course
baseball home run derby
not being able to rent movies
fireworks in keene on the 3rd
getting kicked outta the adults room every day by marsha (yet farmer dave says it's okay...)
owning the adults at volleyball even though they def. don't know the rules (2-1)
re-enacting the flower jump
getting egged
scootering/running down the hill
interrogating garreth about my camera
more meat throwing fights
ooblek
how fat i am
how slutty i am (didn't he paint your face?)
sketchy person
matt alex and i stopping for slurpees while the car with the directions keeps going
mickey d's at like 11 cuz it's not like there's too much food at the farm or anything
stealing the tray
driving jill home on the way aka 20 minutes out of the way
matt opening up after wednesday again
"what's a hoedown" "it's when you take jenn, throw her on the ground and kick her"
DOUCHE..and the new douche-knot
parler-ing en francais!
intense pool games
me falling all the freakin time
back rubs and massages
not being able to lie
wrecking the pool room ceiling again
larry the guy in the picture
the 13th commandment (god doesn't like cell phones..)


more to come

adslkfjsalkfdjds
that is the only thing i can say about the past however much time since i last wrote in this.  i reallly don't feel like updating, so here's the short version.  i hung out with cool people a lot.  i graduated.  went to stefan's going away party. more hanging out with cool people. grad parties. work. etc.
o yea did i mention "this isn't high school" cuz we're doneeeeeeeee
also, toddly got to see brand new the other night and i'm even more excited for july 26 now!
also, orientation in 2 days.. a lil nervous for all the rich people but o well, i like a challenge
and ehf in 6 days!!!! (love to you alllllll, you guys are the best everrrrrr...crunk goats and strip poker parties? in the words of justin "chyeah")
and it appears that a coastline ending has dropped off the face of the earth, aka deleted their myspace.  how am i supposed to stalk them now? gosh, what were they thinking...
that's it.
<3

so there's these people i've been hanging out with a lot and i love them all in different ways.  however, as always when something good is happening, there is bad to go along with it.  basically my nosiness caused far too much trouble tonight.  i am beyond sorry but that doesn't even help.i can't not let things get to me, and right now, more than anything i just want to go back a few hours, make time go slower, and make it so i didn't say one thing. but i can't regret what happened right?  i think in a way i'm just kind of resentful of the circumstances right now...nobody cares this much when i get upset but whatever.
i even tried some old school bullpen blast but i even lost that in the 4th inning.
so basically i'm pretty sure i'm not going out tomorrow cuz i feel like crap. at least i'm back to normal now.  being happy isn't all it's cracked up to be.

ps, i'm pretty sure i've used this title before too..

so I FUCKING LOVE A COASTLINE ENDINGGG
kinda disappointed in the turnout tonight, but it was cool anyway..even when matt's voice cracked and his guitar strap broke...i think i only saw like 3 people i know instead of the usual crowd but loved ittt...and yea i did sit alone until cyrus and band got there an hour later...i'm cool enough to admit that..and i finally got their amazing cd..already on my ipod duhhh.

o yea and guess waht guys, sometimes i'm funny

wishxxfulthinker: oh i have a very important question
eastc0astdreamer: go
wishxxfulthinker: do boys who wear girl pants in the winter wear girl shorts in the summer?
eastc0astdreamer: no i think they wear girls pants still
eastc0astdreamer: but i like how that's important
wishxxfulthinker: oh very much so
wishxxfulthinker: but what if they get hot?
eastc0astdreamer: i don't  know, i think they cry about it
wishxxfulthinker: hahahahaaaaa

that's it. byeeeeeeee

i hate being confused.
i also hate crying.  i thought with all the shit i went through this year, stupid stuff wouldn't bother me anymore, but it still does.  on top of the real stuff that's going on.  FUCK.
i am sick of being there for people when i never have a shoulder to lean back on.  i always say this, but i really can't bring myself to not be like this...i have to be there for others, it's who i am.  i just wish other people would return the favor sometimes.

hey ROCKVILLE <3 you loZer

that's it.


ps, i'm pretty sure i've used that title before, but what can i say, it's a good depressing song..
pps, ace concert @ rhs tomorrow anyone?  you know you wanna...

so basically i have no time to update cuz i'm thesising like the rest of the world, but i would like so more help.  but before i ask for my help, i would like to congratulate colby for writing about 1/4 of the essay that got me into the fairfield honors program.  your ideas were very helpful.  now for round 2 of do jenn's work for her....i don't want to just ramble on and on for 25 pages in my thesis, so i need a creative idea to take up room.  if you don't have anything out of the ordinary, help me think of how i can show my topic through a short story cuz i might just do that..
my topic is:
is destruction needed for survival? and more specifically, is war ever necessary....stuff along that lines. so yea have fun....go

i don't like people who feel the need to tell you you're wrong after you already admitted you were wrong
i don't like when people take others for granted
i don't like not being included
i don't like when people bitch at you for things that aren't your fault
i don't like hypocrites
i don't like when people say they like you but they can't even talk to you
i don't like talking through other people like we're in fucking middle school
i don't like when i try to explain how i'm feeling and people get mad
i don't like liarssssss

recently i was starting to get really sad again, but not cuz i couldn't wait to leave, but cuz i am finally making friends i really and truly care about and don't want to leave them.  now i don't even know what i want.  everyone at fairfield is already pissing me off with their out of control drinking, pre-orientation parties so there will already be clicks when we get to orientation, and the incredible non-diverse atmosphere.  so i don't really know what i want. 

i forget where i left off and don't feel like looking but on the upside 6 flags friday was fun.  so was volleyball and ddr.  today mr swhs was fun.  ddr again was fun (i'm addicted).  i'm kind of mad about some stuff, but if you were there you probably already know.  and it's not what you think if you don't know so yea.

so, sorry for being in a bad mood tonight, but the combination of little things that were bothering me were too much for me tonight.

this is my new outlook on life...it was part of the homily at church today, so i don't feel like a bad person for saying it, "you have to love everybody unconditionally, and accept them for who they are, but that doesn't mean you can't tell them to forget your phone number and to not walk in front of your moving car"